A bride recently posted a question on Wedding Wire about choosing an appropriate song for her Honors Dance with her Father. Joy L. asks: I probably don't really need to worry about this, but I need some reassurance that my choice of song for this dance is appropriate. I was thinking of using I've Got You Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra, because my father and I used to sing the first few lines to each other when I was very little, and I wanted a song that would be meaningful to me and my dad, but I don't want a traditional sappy I-love-my-daughter-and-she-grew-up-too-fast song. I decided to listen to the rest of the song, and when I listen to lyrics I really listen to them and take in their full meaning. I don't know if anyone else listens to lyrics like that. Some of the lyrics in that song say things (or at least they do to me) that could be taken the wrong way. Will guests be listening to lyrics, or am I worrying over nothing? Like I said I probably don't need to be worrying about this, but I am and it is going to drive me nuts until I know whether or not I'm a freak. I feel embarrassed that I am even asking this.The Lyrics:I've got you under my skin I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin
I've tried so not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well
That I've got you under my skin
I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear
Don't you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
'Cause I've got you under my skin
Our response: You have a hard choice here. You have sentimental attachment to this song but 3/4 of the lyrics are really not relevent to a Father/Daughter relationship. Ultimately the decision is up to what makes you happy. However, with some searching you might find a song you and your dad can be comfortable AND excited about. From our professional experience, our clients have chosen songs where the lyrics were appropriately describing the relationship and if there were any questionable lyrics they were edited out or they played the instrumental version of the song. Another creative way you could use the song is to incorporate your favorite stanza into your or your father's speech at the reception. After all, it's still a warm and sweet memory to share with your guests!
To me, the only way to spin the lyrics to make them appropriate to a Daddy/Daughter dance would be to imply that Daddy can't resist spoiling his daughter so he's going to lose the power struggle because she's Daddy's little girl. Cutesy as that may sound, I don't think that is a very positive way to paint the bride. Does anyone else have a positive spin on these lyrics that we could offer up to the bride?
The Future Mrs. Thim posted the following question on Wedding Wire's Chat board. Posted On: Jan 29, 2010 at 12:33 PMSo my dad refuses in everyway possible to do the dance. He is really shy and its to far out of his comfort zone he says. I am 100% a daddys girl and am worried everyone is going to wonder why we arent having it. advice anyone?
I have talked to him and i thought it was important to me but i really want him to enjoy the night. He is totally against any aspect of it and does not plan on dancing at all during the wedding. He wants to hang out with the family and catch up with everyone. I love the slideshow idea! I will talk to my mom and are venue about that. I think the big thing to me now is i have just never personally seen it skipped and i thought i was the only one in this boat. Thanks for all the suggestions!
Our response:
I also have never attended a wedding where the Honors Dances with the parents are skipped. Many people are extremely uncomfortable with dancing especially in the spotlight for the very first time. The Father/Daughter dance is an honor and way to pay homage to the joy and unity you have shared your whole life. Just going out there unprepared and doing the high school prom sway is awkward for everyone involved and for this reason I can sympathize with your father. However, if he and you take one hour of instruction it will empower both of you to feel confident and look elegant. The lesson itself will also be a treasured memory for both of you. In fact, bring your camera to capture the fun!
I am certain that she is not the only bride who has dealt with this. Do you have additional advice for her and others like her?
You can assist your parent in selecting a song by providing him/her with our list of Honors Dance song suggestions. However, remember that your parent might already have a song in mind. Since it is their big moment at the wedding, you should let your parent have a say. He/She will move better to familiar music and be much less nervous about dancing in front of the crowd. Even one hour of preparation will make a huge impact on the way The Honors Dance looks and feels. These are special moments for Mom and Dad and they may be even more enjoyable with a little preparation.
If your parent lives out of town, a creative solution is to schedule a lesson for the week he/she is in town for the wedding. The hour spent together preparing for this dance will last a lifetime in your memory as a special moment shared between the two of you.The Honors Dance is traditionally reserved for the Mother/Son and Father/Daughter although other combinations and other relatives are also incorporated in some weddings and for certain circumstances where parents are deceased or not in attendance. Anyone who is honored by a spotlight dance will always feel more comfortable if they feel prepared.
Still haven't picked a special song for the Honors Dances? Here are some ideas!
